Doesn't look Like I'm going to make it

A person, though miserable, was out in the light. Walking and mingling with the world. This person was no genius but they were sharp. Some bad things came her way. She tried to hold her own, but after all the person was a kid and they got hurt; they got a little bit broken. Still, the person was strong and if parts of the person were broken it was ok because the person could still function. The person just shut down the broken parts.

Years pass and the person got married. Then the marriage didn't work. The person got a little more broken, shut down a few more parts. Not functioning too well anymore. Got married again. Got a baby. Pretty much stopped functioning. All that was left is a persons basic instincts and the rough side of the person's personality. Gradually the good in the person evaporated and the bad took over. And the worse the person becomes the worse her life gets. The person knows this but the good in her is now too weak to overcome her shaytaan which has grown so much stronger over the years. The person tries. Tries and tries and nothing is working. The person looks in the mirror and knows that there isn't another loser alive to equal her. A fat, sinning, beast is what the person has become. She despairs of ever improving. No longer sharp, but dull. No longer in the light but fallen down a seemingly bottemless hole. If only the person could find the way out.

Yeah, that poor wretch up there is me, so what? I guess I can begin my bi-weekly rant this time with the school supply list the kid got. As expected it contained a huge amount of things. First of all, if orientation had been a week ago and not the f*cking day before school, a person might have been able to get everything on the list. Then again, if hubby had managed to put some money aside he might have gotten her stuff. Whenever I think about how big a loser I am, I think of him. And immediately feel a little better. I just don't have the vocabulary to express how angry and hurt I am that my kid is the only one in class with practically no supplies. I had to scrounge some money to buy her a few notebooks and pencils. She has the same lunchbox from last year, no shoes. I don't want to think how this makes her feel in front of the other kids. Hubby keeps saying his indemnity should be here by now but the fact remains, he couldn't even put aside a few KD for his kid knowing that she had school coming up. I so hate him!!!!

And, for some reason, I haven't hooked up my printer yet. Well before I go to sleep tonight I will hook this damned thing up and look for my MS Office disc that came with this computer, inshallah. I can't find the thing and I need MS Word for school.

I hate everything.