Changes

Disclaimer: F**K Smallville. I got real life to deal with. Besides my angel of a bro let me download the entire series onto my new hard drive.


A few days ago I found an old journal of mine. It was dated April 2000, shortly after I arrived here in Kuwait. Here's an excerpt:

At the moment I feel utterly defeated. I have never in my life felt that way. Not when ******* was abusing me. Not when ***** left me for that bitch. Not ever. I need a job in the worst way. If I had a job, I could finally get a divorce from ****. I need desperately to be away from him this man. With my own place, my own independence, I think that I would do a lot better, in all areas of my life. It makes my stomach hurt to think I was within a week of being totally free of him but then had to cancel it because I had nowhere to go. I can only think that all this is happening to me because I am lacking somewhere in my Ibadah.

It goes on for pages with more of the same. I swear I could have written that today. The exact same thoughts run through my mind and I'm in the EXACT SAME POSITION. That crap was dated nine years ago. Why am I still in this position? I asked myself that as I read those pages in horror. Where had my life gone? I'm 32, yet most of the time I think of myself as still being in my twenties. Time is passing. One day I'll die and I want to have at least some happiness in my adult life before that happens.

This morning I prayed for guidance and approached hubby as he was getting dressed to go play ball. I layed everything out for him. I asked him for the divorce.

He thought for some time, head down. Then he looked up at me and said, clearly, that he would pronounce it, as soon as my period came.

Words can't express how relieved I was that he didn't yell and curse at me like he usually does when I bring up the word. Now all I need is my period.


Lata...